I've been promise to write again yes?
Hahahaha and in the fact I couldn't fulfill it soon. Because the more you older, the more you got a problem. Higher phase you did, higher risk you got.
Last time I tell you that I've finished my study and I become an unemployment seasonal that hurting myself as a SOK-busy person until this 23rd. Let me tell you, maybe it sounded a little hyperbolic to say if had a thunderstorm in this phase. I start my journey in this amazing JUNGLE with full of optimistic, spirit, and positive vibes. I know there is no more excuse in this phase. I understand the risk and I know this isn't place for a mushy menye menye person. You should though enough to survive.
My habit, family, hobby, and friends let me grow up as a idealist and perfectionist Bachelor's of Economic. There isn't wrong with it. Totally. But in the middle of the time, I started to get............... tired.
Yeah, tired. Tired to be the best at everything, to did everything perfect, to make all kill score, tired to make everyone happy, like I did in 23 years of my life.
When i try to flashback what I did on the 3 years back, it seems grey, not so clearly as before. I realize that I did many things to cover up one big scars on myself. The one big scars that look grey and more grey and more dark day by day. I scared to death if I heard or seeing it. So I try to covered it up with colorful life of me. I made a blue, red, pink, yellow, green, tosca, and the others to cover up the one grey and big scars on me. But I did a mistake. I just covered it, not clear it up yet. That is my biggest mistake.
And now, when the others slowly to disappear, The Grey still on its place. Tear my heart into pieces again, like 3 years ago when I feel the first massive break heart for the first time. I swear I don't wanna face the same situation again in my whole life, but Allah knows it was the best for me to know the truth.
The truth is, Allah knows, Allah answers my questions, who the one I should go with.
The Grey, i don;t know when I could clear you up from myself because however you are the one who give the big change and influence for me. You came when I need, you give what I need, you show up with your imperfection but it's more likely a perfection for me
I'm not promise to forget everything. I just trying to be as wise as possible to accept everything happens. Because everyone knows that everything happens for a reason.